Big Lessons

Well, Matt and I are thankful to say that life has calmed down significantly since last Thursday. What a crazy weekend it was, and what a blessing it was to be able to report good news.

In one week I went from fearing for the life of my child to praising God for his protection and provision; this week we not only found out that our baby was healthy, but we were also blessed with the news that Matt and I will most definitely both be pulling in full time incomes until July.

I have to admit that until last Thursday, I was stumbling in my walk with Christ in some ways. Some of you may know that I quit my job in October to pursue a lead in writing. A lot of prayer went into this decision, but it was obviously made before we knew I was pregnant. A month later, in the span of two weeks, Matt and I found out that we were expecting our baby in July, and that Matt was scheduled to complete his student teaching this spring.

At the onset of this news, I was not really that shaken. Matt is the most compassionate man I know, and the best teacher I've ever met. Student teaching was nothing but a good thing, even if it meant a cut in income. I felt sure I'd find a job (how could I not with my oh so useful degree in English), and everything would work out fine.

I have been handing my resume out like free candy for the past two months, and, this just in, apparently our country really is going through a recession. As more and more time passed, the more and more I began to panic. By the time last Thursday came around, I was feeling pretty pessimistic.

And then I found myself alone in a doctor's office hearing words I never anticipated hearing. I had a lot of anxieties coming into this pregnancy, but none of them had to do with my baby's prenatal health.

I came home, the news of what I'd heard still sinking in, and sat in the dark for literally an hour before Matt got back from work. I don't really remember a lot of what was going through my mind, but I distinctly remember telling Matt that I didn't care about anything else-- I just wanted our baby to be okay.

In my time of trial this past weekend, I realized that the faith I had regarding our financial situation was not a faith in God; it was a faith that good things would happen. And when good things did not start happening, I was shaken.

A belief in God is not dependent on good things happening. I say all the time that "God will take care of it." I don't believe that any less now than I did before, but my understanding of that statement has been re-shaped.

Our baby looks like (s)he's going to be just fine, but what if we'd been given different news on Monday? I can't honestly say how I would have reacted to that. I'm sure that I would have experienced deep fear and sadness, but I also think that my love for the Lord and my sometimes feeble faith in Him would have continued to grow.

You see, I've learned that Christ like faith is not the same thing as hoping for good news. If that were the case, then about fifty percent of the time, every man has the right to ask "where is God now?" Rather, Christ like faith is hoping for God's will.

I think the above statement is one that is used too thoughtlessly sometimes. I don't mean to say, in other words, that if something bad happens then it's okay, because after all it must have been God's will.

Let me make myself very clear: God hates death. The very foundation of Christianity rests on the fact that God hates death. It was never His plan for mankind. I do not believe that God has ever once looked on a dying man and said "rejoice, this is my plan." Perhaps he says "rejoice, there is life AFTER death," but never the former.

So, Val, if God hates death, and He is, in fact, God, why does death happen? Why do children starve? Why do mothers and fathers die of cancer? My simple answer: Sin. (Oh no, a stereotypical and sometimes misused Christian term!) I regard sin not as a list of singular, immoral actions, but as a unit-- as anything that God does not like.

God hates death; Death is God's enemy. It was introduced by Satan to mankind at the beginning of time, and since then, God and Death have been at war.

So if I'd heard that my baby was, in all likelihood, not going to see the light of day, would that have been God's will? No, I firmly believe it would not have been. But I do believe, however, that if I'd heard bad news, I could still bring glory to God-- I could still find peace, joy, and hope in Christ. And that is God's will.

From here on out, I will make a concerted effort to hope for God's will in all circumstances. I think that as a human I will continue to hope for good things, but I know now better than ever that good things is not the exclusive home of joy.