A More Detailed Update On Declan's Procedure

Hey all!

I just wanted to take a minute to give a more detailed update on Declan's procedure and the overall diagnosis (or lack thereof) of what's causing his breathing issues.

Let me begin by saying that Declan is very healthy! We're asking for prayers because it's obviously a concern, but this is not affecting his overall health at the time (for which we're really grateful), and we don't want anyone to worry unnecessarily.

The procedure they did today is called a direct laryngoscopy. They actually did something else too, but I forgot what it's called. The whole thing was essentially to check for any obstruction of his airway-- something that might explain the stridor (which is the gasping sound he makes when he breathes sometimes).

It's always a little difficult for me to update on something I don't completely understand, but I'll try to explain what we were told the best I can.

Coming into today, we knew that there were basically two situations the doctor was checking for, the first of which is called a subglottic hemangioma, and the second of which is called laryngomalacia.  A hemangioma is the little red "birth mark" (they actually don't appear until a few weeks after birth) on Declan's neck.  A subglottic hemangioma is a hemangioma that grows not only outside the skin, but underneath the skin in the airway. This condition is pretty rare, so I wasn't really expecting this outcome, but because of the location of DJ's hemangioma they had to check. The second condition, laryngomalacia, literally means soft larynx. Usually the larynx is rigid, like a straw, but sometimes it can be softer than usual in children, causing stridor. This condition is fairly common and usually not a big deal-- kids almost always grow out of it.

I felt sure coming into today that they'd go in, scope the area out, and come out saying "yep-- it's definitely laryngomalacia; he'll grow out of it-- no big deal."

Fortunately and unfortunately, they didn't notice any major blockage of his airway. They said it narrows slightly, but nothing that could really account for his stridor. This is good, in a way, because we obviously don't want there to be an obstruction, but also annoying, in another way, because there's obviously something causing issues for him and we don't yet know what that is.

I'm a little confused because I thought for sure if they didn't note an obstruction (that would be from the hemangioma), they'd chalk it up to laryngomalacia and that would be that. So I was surprised when the doctor told me his symptoms don't sound consistent with laryngomalacia-- it seemed like they did last time-- but I really like him and trust his opinion, so I'll trust him on this. Not to mention he has a degree in medicine and I can basically just measure out correct doses of Tylenol.

The other thing he mentioned was the fact that, even when Declan was sedated and on a breathing tube, they couldn't get his oxygen up to 100%. He said it's nothing to be worried about-- his levels were around 97%-- but that usually they can get children up to 100%, especially while on oxygen. This also indicated that there might be a bigger issue.

He referred Declan to a pulmonologist (lung doctor) in Roanoke. We go for an appointment next Tuesday. Hopefully it's a fairly painless process.  I'm worried that we're putting him through all of this over nothing-- like I said, he's a very healthy baby (toddler-- oh gosh)-- but I know that breathing is nothing to mess around with, and I'm grateful for doctors who err on the side of caution. If there is a bigger issue, I'd rather know about it now than later.

Declan was an absolute trooper today. He didn't cry once when they were taking his blood, and considering how confused he must have been after the procedure, he handled it pretty well. It was so tough to see him go through all of this, especially knowing we're not really any closer to knowing what's wrong with him. Pray for me and Matt as we take him to his appointment next week-- that we'll trust the doctors taking care of Declan, but also that we'll have enough discernment to know what's necessary and what's not.

A Mostly Declan Oriented Update

This summer has been absolutely flying by! Declan is officially one year old, which is nuts. I can distinctly remember this time last year-- how amazed we were by the newness of our little boy, and how overwhelmed we were with at times. It seems like he's doing something new or different every day now. We are so thankful for our little family.

It unfortunately rained on the day of Declan's birthday party, but we managed. Even worse was the fact that he got sick that morning and was pretty iffy the whole day. By bed time he was miserable and didn't sleep for the next two nights. (Well, he slept, but not much.) A trip to the doctor and an antibiotic later, and he's feeling much better now! Matt and I were so thankful for everyone who braved the rain and our cramped little living room to celebrate Declan's first year.

Matt's parents came to visit the week leading up to DJ's party, which was awesome. It was so nice to see them and to get all the Dunham cousins together!

Matt has been Mr. Mom this summer while I've been working. (He gets the summers off as a teacher). He was made to be a dad. I love that Declan already so admires him.

We take Declan to have his procedure done next Monday (the 22nd). I'm of course a little nervous to have him put under, but I'm relieved to know we'll finally have some definite answers to his breathing, because it's been getting worse. I'm hoping the doctor sees what's going on and tells us it's something he'll just grow out of, but if not, I'm glad we're looking into it and will know how to help him.

Declan now says the following "words" (his pronunciation still needs some work, haha): Dada, mama (very sparingly-- like hardly ever. No worries, son, I only gave you life), headbutt (all the time), and up (he says 'uh' and lifts his arms up) when he wants to be picked up. He also says "ffffff" when he sees Fenway.

He's getting so smart! On a more contradictory note, he ate dog food on Saturday evening. More dog food than vegetables, actually. (I in no way endorsed this activity-- can't even do three minutes worth of dishes anymore!)

I wrote the following on DJ's birthday

On Raising Declan James

You wear a piece of both of us
everyday, forever.
You are tethered by a rubber band
to the treasured pieces of my soul.
I am folded into the dimples
that dress your smile, wrapped around your baby giggle.

All the best parts of me
walk and move and breathe now--
they live outside my being--
revived at last because you use
my eyes to see the world anew.

I feel Cynicism release its cold grip
on me and breathe
greedy gulps of Light and Color;
a deep seeded hope blooms inside me,
coaxes and entices me
to see through big brown eyes
that I wore first but you
wear better.
We are fettered;
you wear a piece of both of us,
every day, forever,
and the honor is all mine, my treasure.

An Issue of Sexism and Humor: I Am Not Amused

I've been fighting the urge to angry blog for the past 24 hours, and now that I feel more level headed and less "come at me, bro!" I still feel compelled to write this blog.

Before I begin, let me give this disclaimer: I'm going to summarize an issue I encountered via facebook yesterday. I'm not a proponent of passive aggressively using the internet to start or fan disputes. I think it's immature and un-Christ-like. That being said, I still feel compelled to write about this because it's an example of a bigger issue that's been bothering me for awhile now.

As you've all probably heard, the George Zimmerman case went to trial this past week. The jury, which is comprised of all women, started deliberating yesterday afternoon.

Two hours into deliberation, they asked the court to provide them with a numbered list of evidence. Shortly after this happened, someone I barely know on facebook (we're no longer friends, not because of this instance, but because I met him once at Liberty and I quite frankly didn't even realize we were still friends on facebook) made the following remark: "Two hours into deliberation and you're just NOW asking for evidence? What have you been talking about all this time? #women #omgiloveyouroutfitwhodoesyourhair? (To translate: Omg I love your outfit who does your hair?)

Let me put this disclaimer: Though I really don't know this individual very well, I do know enough about him to know that he is a very kind hearted person, and that he would never intentionally belittle anyone. This is not your run of the mill, I'm going to put people down because I can, person. He even helps lead a youth group (something I really would expect him to be perfect for). That being said, the comment really took me off guard.

I recognized immediately that it was just supposed to be a joke. I wasn't supposed to read anything into it. He wasn't seriously trying to belittle these jurors, nor was he trying to belittle women in general.

But I think that's what bothered me most about it. He wasn't TRYING to do any of those things. He was just trying to be funny. And he was, to most people.

That really bothers me. It has bothered me probably more than it should for the past day. Every time I think about it I shake my head in annoyance. Not necessarily at him, because, as I said, this is a good guy, but at the fact that, in this day in age, comments like this are funny.

Maybe I should have just continued with my day, taken him off of my friends list (again, because I wasn't sure why I was friends with him still anyway) and let the issue rest. But if you know me you know I obviously didn't do that.

I pointed out that, though I'm sure he only meant it as a joke, that it could be easily taken as really sexist. Here are the responses I got:

First from someone who laughed me off and said something to the effect of "oh please, girls say horrible things about guys all the time. We need to have our fun too."

And you know what? He's right. Women do berate and belittle men with frequency, and as a wife and the mother of a little boy, and, honestly just as a human being, that has always bothered me too. I told him that it's not fun when women do it and it's not fun when men do it.

I left for dinner and came back a few hours later. When I checked my facebook I found an overwhelming response, mostly from other women.

And none of them agreed with what I said. My opinion was sarcastically belittled or laughed off. He was encouraged to present the joke as part of an "SNL skit" (something he probably does with the youth group, I would guess.) I was mocked by women who pretended to likewise be offended and then laughed. The person who wrote the comment to begin with said something to the effect of "we're way to easily offended in America." Another person wrote "America: where the majority are terrorized by the minority."

Firstly, I don't believe I "terrorized" anyone. I pointed out in a kind way that his comment had the potential to be taken in an offensive manner. I reiterated that I'm sure it was never intended to be malicious, but that I just felt compelled to bring it to his attention. I agreed that women shouldn't do this to men. I did not reply to any of the several people who replied to his status.

Am I angry? A little. Not really anymore. Not at him or any of the other people who replied, anyway. But I am angry at the state of not just America, but the Church, in many ways.

Over and over again I see attitudes that spell out "if you're offended, that's your problem, not mine. It's not my responsibility to not be offensive."

Actually, it is, in some ways. I'm not suggesting that people should or could cease to have opinions that offend other people-- nor that you shouldn't express an opinion if offends other people. That's part of life and, while it's sometimes unfortunate, it's inevitable.  But this was something entirely different. This was simply a "joke" (I'll get to that in a minute) that took advantage of a stereotype for the sake of humor. It was not necessary. It didn't express something vital. It was for the sake of humor only. James 3 urges Christians to be mindful of the importance of words-- to realize that what you say matters and cannot be taken back. It encourages Christians to be considerate of the people around them. So when I hear Christians say "it's not my problem that you're offended" over something like this, I want to pull my hair out. We are ABSOLUTELY called by God to watch our words-- to be peacemakers. Again, I'm not suggesting we compromise the message of the Gospel because it's offensive at times, but I am saying that you're tacky jokes are not only unnecessary but sinful in some ways.

As for the comment being a joke, that frustrates me too-- for several reasons:

1. This is not a hypothetical group of women deliberating on a hypothetical case. A 16 year old boy was actually murdered. His life is gone. And the fate of the man who killed him (I'm not here to debate if it was self defense or not) is on the line. His comment was not directed at nobody, it was directed at real live people who are in a horribly difficult situation.

2. He's using sexism for humor. #women #omg i love your outfit who does your hair. He is proposing that the jury is incompetent on the basis that they're women. I understand he probably doesn't actually esteem women in that way-- he was trying to be funny-- but particularly as a church leader I would expect him to be mindful that he is (whether or not he meant it this way) sending the message that women are incapable of handling serious business.

If it was a group of all black people and he'd said "What have they been talking about? #who does your weave?" it would be very obviously offensive. In fact, I'd wager he never would have made such a comment. And if he had, I'd wager nobody would be justifying it.

We'd care if it was racist. So why don't we care that it was sexist? My mind was just seriously blown when I was the only one not willing to laugh at this joke. It perpetuates a belittling attitude toward women. It is specifically making fun of six, real people. It is making light of a murder case.

But it was just for humor, so it's somehow okay. I'm sick of people putting humor above tact and consideration. And I'm sick of the attitude that claims we're not responsible for whether or not we offend somebody. To some degree, we are.