I've been fighting the urge to angry blog for the past 24 hours, and now that I feel more level headed and less "come at me, bro!" I still feel compelled to write this blog.
Before I begin, let me give this disclaimer: I'm going to summarize an issue I encountered via facebook yesterday. I'm not a proponent of passive aggressively using the internet to start or fan disputes. I think it's immature and un-Christ-like. That being said, I still feel compelled to write about this because it's an example of a bigger issue that's been bothering me for awhile now.
As you've all probably heard, the George Zimmerman case went to trial this past week. The jury, which is comprised of all women, started deliberating yesterday afternoon.
Two hours into deliberation, they asked the court to provide them with a numbered list of evidence. Shortly after this happened, someone I barely know on facebook (we're no longer friends, not because of this instance, but because I met him once at Liberty and I quite frankly didn't even realize we were still friends on facebook) made the following remark: "Two hours into deliberation and you're just NOW asking for evidence? What have you been talking about all this time? #women #omgiloveyouroutfitwhodoesyourhair? (To translate: Omg I love your outfit who does your hair?)
Let me put this disclaimer: Though I really don't know this individual very well, I do know enough about him to know that he is a very kind hearted person, and that he would never intentionally belittle anyone. This is not your run of the mill, I'm going to put people down because I can, person. He even helps lead a youth group (something I really would expect him to be perfect for). That being said, the comment really took me off guard.
I recognized immediately that it was just supposed to be a joke. I wasn't supposed to read anything into it. He wasn't seriously trying to belittle these jurors, nor was he trying to belittle women in general.
But I think that's what bothered me most about it. He wasn't TRYING to do any of those things. He was just trying to be funny. And he was, to most people.
That really bothers me. It has bothered me probably more than it should for the past day. Every time I think about it I shake my head in annoyance. Not necessarily at him, because, as I said, this is a good guy, but at the fact that, in this day in age, comments like this are funny.
Maybe I should have just continued with my day, taken him off of my friends list (again, because I wasn't sure why I was friends with him still anyway) and let the issue rest. But if you know me you know I obviously didn't do that.
I pointed out that, though I'm sure he only meant it as a joke, that it could be easily taken as really sexist. Here are the responses I got:
First from someone who laughed me off and said something to the effect of "oh please, girls say horrible things about guys all the time. We need to have our fun too."
And you know what? He's right. Women do berate and belittle men with frequency, and as a wife and the mother of a little boy, and, honestly just as a human being, that has always bothered me too. I told him that it's not fun when women do it and it's not fun when men do it.
I left for dinner and came back a few hours later. When I checked my facebook I found an overwhelming response, mostly from other women.
And none of them agreed with what I said. My opinion was sarcastically belittled or laughed off. He was encouraged to present the joke as part of an "SNL skit" (something he probably does with the youth group, I would guess.) I was mocked by women who pretended to likewise be offended and then laughed. The person who wrote the comment to begin with said something to the effect of "we're way to easily offended in America." Another person wrote "America: where the majority are terrorized by the minority."
Firstly, I don't believe I "terrorized" anyone. I pointed out in a kind way that his comment had the potential to be taken in an offensive manner. I reiterated that I'm sure it was never intended to be malicious, but that I just felt compelled to bring it to his attention. I agreed that women shouldn't do this to men. I did not reply to any of the several people who replied to his status.
Am I angry? A little. Not really anymore. Not at him or any of the other people who replied, anyway. But I am angry at the state of not just America, but the Church, in many ways.
Over and over again I see attitudes that spell out "if you're offended, that's your problem, not mine. It's not my responsibility to not be offensive."
Actually, it is, in some ways. I'm not suggesting that people should or could cease to have opinions that offend other people-- nor that you shouldn't express an opinion if offends other people. That's part of life and, while it's sometimes unfortunate, it's inevitable. But this was something entirely different. This was simply a "joke" (I'll get to that in a minute) that took advantage of a stereotype for the sake of humor. It was not necessary. It didn't express something vital. It was for the sake of humor only. James 3 urges Christians to be mindful of the importance of words-- to realize that what you say matters and cannot be taken back. It encourages Christians to be considerate of the people around them. So when I hear Christians say "it's not my problem that you're offended" over something like this, I want to pull my hair out. We are ABSOLUTELY called by God to watch our words-- to be peacemakers. Again, I'm not suggesting we compromise the message of the Gospel because it's offensive at times, but I am saying that you're tacky jokes are not only unnecessary but sinful in some ways.
As for the comment being a joke, that frustrates me too-- for several reasons:
1. This is not a hypothetical group of women deliberating on a hypothetical case. A 16 year old boy was actually murdered. His life is gone. And the fate of the man who killed him (I'm not here to debate if it was self defense or not) is on the line. His comment was not directed at nobody, it was directed at real live people who are in a horribly difficult situation.
2. He's using sexism for humor. #women #omg i love your outfit who does your hair. He is proposing that the jury is incompetent on the basis that they're women. I understand he probably doesn't actually esteem women in that way-- he was trying to be funny-- but particularly as a church leader I would expect him to be mindful that he is (whether or not he meant it this way) sending the message that women are incapable of handling serious business.
If it was a group of all black people and he'd said "What have they been talking about? #who does your weave?" it would be very obviously offensive. In fact, I'd wager he never would have made such a comment. And if he had, I'd wager nobody would be justifying it.
We'd care if it was racist. So why don't we care that it was sexist? My mind was just seriously blown when I was the only one not willing to laugh at this joke. It perpetuates a belittling attitude toward women. It is specifically making fun of six, real people. It is making light of a murder case.
But it was just for humor, so it's somehow okay. I'm sick of people putting humor above tact and consideration. And I'm sick of the attitude that claims we're not responsible for whether or not we offend somebody. To some degree, we are.
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