Things I've Learned About Being A Mom

There is no such thing as easing into motherhood. There just isn't. You can babysit and take courses and read books for all nine months, and some of it will be helpful, but it isn't motherhood. For the twelve hours before Declan was born, I was completely freaking out. Partially because I was about to push a bowling ball esque bundle of joy out of myself, and partially because I had suddenly been robbed of the last two weeks before my due date. And, though I didn't know it until last Saturday, I had been dearly counting on those last two weeks.

But after a whole week of motherhood under my belt, I can honestly say that time wouldn't have made a difference. Alright, it may have given me opportunity to clean my house a little more, but I wouldn't have been any more prepared for this crazy journey then than I was last week. Motherhood, more than anything else, is learning a lot as you go, learning to let go, enjoying the little things, and, whenever possible, seizing the opportunity to shower.

Here are a list of things I've learned about being a mom so far.

1. Swaddling is harder than it looks. I suddenly have tons of respect for the folks down at Taco Bell. Even with the "swaddling made easy" velcro version, I'm pretty terrible. So thing learned number one is this: Let your husband swaddle the baby whenever possible.

2. My dishes probably won't all be done at once again after my mom leaves.

3. Learn to ingest caffeine in some form. I personally hate coffee. I wish I'd trained myself better.

4. Sleep when he lets you sleep.

5. You know how on movies they have that cute moment when baby boys let loose mid diaper change, and it usually catches an unexpecting parent in the face? That can actually happen. Multiple times in one diaper change even. No one is safe.

6. I was a shower glutton before Declan. Five minutes under lukewarm running water is a treasure these days.

7. Babies do not understand, nor do they care, how cute an outfit is. Bodily functions will still happen. If you plan to show him off in aforementioned cute outfit, wait about ten minutes before "look how cute my baby is" time to change him.

8. Getting a baby to burp is harder than it looks.

9. Regular poop is not even a third as gross as meconium is.

10. You do not get to choose what your *mom voice will be. Mine sounds like a bad Mickey Mouse impersonation. Declan is going to be really confused the first time he sees a Disney movie.

*mom voice: the ridiculous voice a mom uses, for some irrational reason, when addressing her child.