On Becoming Baby Dumb

I have finally found a spare fifteen minutes during which Declan is allowing me to utilize both of my hands for something other than patting his back, fetching his binky, or rubbing his stomach. This free time was hiding behind sleep props. Many, many sleep props.

A sleep prop, as defined in the popular Baby Wise books, is a way to get your infant to sleep unnaturally: Rocking, bouncing, white noise-- essentially, anything other than putting your baby in a crib and saying "see you in a few hours, son." It's artificial sleep, if you will.

A few weeks ago, I was all about this baby wise system. It made sense. I didn't want Declan to rely on rocking or singing to get to sleep. He needed to learn to do it the good old fashioned way and he needed to learn immediately.

I look back on that phase of my life with fondness now. I look back and think "aw, that's cute."

Cute? Yes. Realistic? Maybe for some fictitious baby gift wrapped and delivered exactly on his due date by the stork. But not for Declan. Not even close. Currently Declan is swaddled and sleeping in a vibrating bouncer cradle with a white noise making machine positioned a foot from his ear. He is sucking away happily at his binky and he hasn't cried in quite some time.

That's right, folks, we're using enough sleep props now to start our own off Broadway production. And I'm happy with it. If that's not Baby Wise (I've read the books-- it's not) then call me Baby Dumb. I'll gladly wear that title. I'll also gladly clean my house, read a book, and sleep at night.

Maybe the Baby Wise system is the smartest way to do things. Maybe I'll be kicking myself in about a month. I lost enough sleep to not really care that much, though. In fact, there is Biblical evidence that even sweet, eight pound six ounce baby Jesus needed a sleep prop or two. First account of swaddling clothes? The Bible. And correct me if I'm wrong, but was Jesus laying in a manger or a crib? The song isn't called "Away In A Flat Surfaced, Firm Mattressed Crib."

Moral of the story? Now that we've given in to all the wrong ways to put Declan to sleep, he's actually sleeping and so are we. And the Dunham family lived happily ever after.