Why People Think I'm More Ethnic Than I Am

While I was pregnant, my good friend Justin, who is notorious for saying moderately ridiculous things (that's very understated), told me that he was going to refer to Declan (Dek-lin) as Day-klahn. We all laughed. Hard.

Here's the thing: People actually call Declan (Dek-lin) Day-klahn. Like... a lot of people. Two days ago I got a phone call from the billing department at my obgyn's office. The phone conversation went something like this:

Billing Department: Valerie, please.

Valerie Please: This is Valerie

Billing: (in a comically surprised tone) Oh, haha. Okay. (I've since come to recognize this as the point in the conversation when the person realizes I'm white.) Valerie, I'm calling about Day-klahn's circumcision.

Quick aside: Not the best way to start a conversation with a new mother... or any mother, really. She'd yet to identify herself as with the billing department, and so my first thought is "oh, crap, they messed it up."

Valerie Please: Okay...

Billing: What's Day-klahn's date of birth?

Valerie Please: July 1st... what did you say this was regarding again?

Billing: (very slowly, as if this is a stupid question) Day-klahn's circum-cision

Valerie Please: Yes ma'am, I got that, but unless they're going to do it again I need you to be a little more specific.

Billing: I'm calling about the circumcision they did.

Valerie Please: Okay...?

Billing: Well, we need to bill you for that.

Valerie Please: Oh, great. That's all I needed to know. And by the way, it's Dek-lin.

Billing: (As if this changes everything) Oooooh!

This experience is not a far cry from most other "I'm trying to pronounce this kid's name right" experiences. For example, I can always tell which nurse I'm talking to at the pediatricians office based on how they say his name. One woman calls him "Dee-klin" and another sticks with the classic "Day-Klahn."

I had to go in to get his belly button checked out earlier this week (it seriously looks like he has an elephant trunk, but apparently this is normal), and I wish I'd had a camera when the nurse popped into the waiting room and called for "Day-klahn"

Nurse: Day-klahn?

Me: That's us

Nurse: (nonchalantly peering into the car seat, presumably to investigate Day-klahn's race) It's not pronounced Day-klahn, is it?

Me: Nope, it's Dek-lin. But Day-klahn is starting to grow on me, so call him whatever you like. (She started calling him Dek-lin after that.)

I knew I was setting Declan up for a lot of "can you spell that?" moments throughout his life, but I never anticipated the great Day-klahn Debacle of 2012. I kind of think of it as an added bonus.

I will be completely unsurprised, however, if he decides to start going by DJ by the time he hits third grade.